ashamed

I have been succumbing to drama lately, and I feel so ashamed. I am much much better than that. I usually stay out of it. Facebook can be a curse sometimes. Plus gather a bunch of emotional women together while their husbands are deployed and you have a ticking time bomb. There is no excuse for it. Im way too sensitive as well.Its just so frustrating to see others being immature and bashing something you are passionate about. Im thankful for a friend reminding me (even though it isnt what I want to hear at the moment) that you just need to let the drama roll off your back. Dont give any attention to it.

So Im glad I have another busy week. Ill be immersing myself in volunteering tomorrow because nothing humbles me more than helping others. I cant worry about myself all the time because its not healthy and quite frankly, gets boring at times. I enjoy being around others who take the time out of their busy schedule to volunteer as well. Also getting to the gym tomorrow will be fantastic. A stress release.

Gav and I had a somewhat chill weekend. Took a nap Saturday afternoon then Chrystal and her kids came over as they were passing thru and we decided to go to Sizzler with them and just spend the night at her house in Yucca. It was fun spending time with them. Gavin loves being with other kids and checking their toys out. Its rough spending the night somewhere else because sleeping is an issue. Gav and I slept in a twin size bed together because the comfy king size bed was full with kids and chrystals. This morning we hung out then left and shopped at Walmart. Shouldnt have spent money, but we never go out to Yucca. I got mostly stuff for Gavin...art supplies (mess free kind!) and a dinosaur and some new books. I also bought myself a new pillow because my neck has been sore the past few days with my deflated pillows. So Im very excited to relax back and sleep well tonight. We took a little nap this afternoon, but I didnt let it go too long because I wanted Gav to go to bed at a somewhat early hour. We are waking up early tomorrow morning! Ive been looking forward to making some healthy baked treats so I finally made some carrot muffins as well as some zucchini muffins. Some raisins, cranberries and a few chocolate chips might have made their way in but Im glad Gav will eat them to get some veggies in his diet. We watched some pixar movies on abcfamily.

Husband is having a busy day so I havent talked to him and I could really use him now. I talked to my mommy a bit tonight and its always nice to catch up with her. My husband and my mom. That is who I want the most on nights like tonight. I just want to cry and be myself. I want to retreat into my own world where no one is being stupid or mean or dramatic or immature or opinionated or judgmental. I realize I am not the perfect person, I actually think some pretty bad things sometimes and I feel terrible about that. Again, I need to call and make an appt with my counselor because I have a lot going on inside that I need to talk about. I thought I had myself figured out but I dont. Im 25 years old and I scoff at the 17 year olds getting married and thinking they know it all. I do not know it all, we constantly grow and change. Its just frustrating to me that I dont even know myself sometimes. Am I the person I think I am? yikes. Im kind of scared of that question. Im scared of being a bad person, Im scared of people not liking me. I want to be likeable. I want to be supportive. I want to be wanted as a friend. But I also want to surround myself with positive, non-judgmental people. Unfortunately, maybe that means an inventory of my friends. I need to check myself before I wreck myself. I need to stop gossiping.

1 Timothy 5:13 – “Besides, they get into the habit of being idle and going about from house to house. And not only do they become idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying things they ought not to.”


Matthew 7:1 – “Do not judge, or you too will be judged.

yikes. I need to be a better Christian. I know my husband isnt into religion so I stay away from attending church but I grew up a Jehovah's Witness. A very strict religion. I still know and understand the teachings of the bible, I just stay away from organized religion since I was disfellowshipped when I was 17 years old. Its been 8 years since I stepped foot inside a house of worship.

Ephesians 4:29 – “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”

Well Im going to sign off for tonight. Its been very emotional. Poor Gav started crying when we saw me crying.