Kings of Leon

Recorded the KOL documentary from Showtime so Ive been watching little by little. Love it. And its also interesting to see my facebook status on this day in 2010 that I was dancing to Kings of Leon with Gavin. We had quite the busy few days. Yesterday, Monday, Gav went to CDC in the morning while I got my workout in. I did 3 miles on elliptical total and tried the zumba tone class. First 30 minutes were a great strength training workout, but then the zumba portion of the class was not my cup of tea. The teacher has fantastic energy but I didnt care for her dance and lack of "flow" I left after 30 minutes of trying the class. She had the stereo all messed up- my ears were ringing. I went back to the elliptical and finished out my time before I needed to pick up Gavin. Poor guy was upset when I picked him up He is getting 3 new teeth right now and just isnt feeling 100% I didnt get enough sleep the night before either so we had a lazy day after the gym/cdc time. I had my free massage from Lincoln and the lady worked on my legs and my left heel the most because my plantar fascitis is killing me. Danielle came and sat at house while Gav napped. It was actually a pretty crappy night. I feel my throat hurting a bit and my head and heel was hurting too.

Today was long. woke up early, my new babysitter came at 7:30am and of course my 7:15 alarm went off but I kept laying there and ding dong! Whoops. Showed him around and got ready. I volunteered at relief society for a short time then headed to gym for kickboxing class. I am so glad I pushed and went. I was tired and my throat was hurting but man. I love kickboxing. Such an awesome workout, a good challenge and a fantastic stress relief. I came home and babysitter and Gav had a great time. I got all settled in about to take a nap then Im so glad I looked at my calendar app because DUH! I had a coping with deployment workshop this afternoon. So Gav got a quickie nap and I got a shower and we headed back out in 110* heat. He played with the kids at childcare and I sat with my fellow wife friends talking about challenges we face for deployment. I kind of had a hard time holding back tears. Its a big reality check to me that my husband will be going back to combat in just a years time. He very much has PTSD and we have dealt with issues pertaining to his behavior, etc. Im scared. Im nervous. Im anxious. I feel helpless. I feel supportive but also one needing support. The best thing the girls today said was to stay in the here and now. Dont keep thinking of the What Ifs? Im so thankful and grateful we arent alone in this and we have so many resources available to us. I made lots of notes during the chat we had with the base counselor. I need to make an appointment to check-in with my counselor because I think I need to address these fears now. Im apprehensive in regards to when? when will we have a break from deployments? When will we get time together as a family when it isnt just pre/post deployment leave or in between weeks of training at a time? My husband, I love him, but he is a Marine first and foremost. He has done this job for years and it is who he is. Since he lost his friend in Afghanistan, he feels he must go there. He lost friends at other times too.There is lots more I could talk about but Im going to leave it at this right now. I am thankful for my better understanding of this lifestyle and why he does things he does. He truly has endured so much and sacrificed himself for our country, as corny as it sounds but its true. I just hope nothing bad happens. Its hard to think perhaps he has pushed his luck and this will be the deployment that something goes wrong. i dont know. I have to stay in this reality. And the reality is, he will come home in a few months and we will be together again. We will try to make another baby together and Gavin will get his Dad to play with. I feel like we are doing so great I dont want anything to stand in our path of happiness, but I feel pessimistic like challenges will come again. Of course they will. I have to trust we are strong enough for it, heavens knows we have been strengthened before.

So as I head to bed with the sounds of KOL in my head, I will be longing for the day when my husband gets to lay next to me in bed. I will wake up in the morning ready for another day with our sweet son. I will get to cuddle with our new kitty Juliet. I will finally send his care package off to remind him of home. I will continue to better myself and help others when I can. I will nuture my amazing friendships with the ones who understand this military life the most.