good day turned sad

Had a good day but now Im emotional. I havent cried, not once, during this deployment. I told Matt I knew it was going to happen when I got home from our trip. Here it is. Im sad, Im lonely on my couch, and my son is in pain and I cant do a dang thing to help him anymore. We've been battling with his skin issues- rashes, eczema, whatever it is. and it kills me to see him in pain. He was screaming bloody murder tonight and I couldnt have felt more alone. Oh wait, there is some sort of creature scratching in the vent, so no, Im not alone. UGH. Thanks pest control guy for leaving such a detailed note of what happened when you came in to check on that. jerk.  I wish I could just revel in the amazing-ness of our day. We had a good time at the library seeing our friends from school, and also meeting a new friend this afternoon at splash park and getting to know her. but tonight is a different story. I dont feel good. I feel depressed to be completely honest. I hate saying it out loud. I think I just need to go to bed. Im not finding much joy in being alone right now. Alone in parenting, alone in eating dinner (which wasnt much to speak of), alone in watching shows, alone in my thoughts. Normally I dont mind having control over the remote or the wonderful quiet that is after 9pm when Gavin goes to bed. But tonight is not normal for me. tongiht is feel sorry for myself night and no one is invited.I dont need the pity from anyone, I just needed to pour it all out onto "paper" so here it is. I hope tomorrow Im back at it as usual because I dont like this at all. I miss my husband. Im just not complete without him. Im fully capable of being without him, I just dont like it. not one bit.