grateful

More and more each day I am feeling grateful for the challenges presented to me. Because I know I become a stronger,smarter person once all is said and done. This year has been trying. Ive heard the term "3rd year glitch" in a marriage and boy, was it ever. Matt and I surely have grown into our new role as parents and partners. It wasnt easy. He came home from deployment to a 4 month old baby and a wife who felt like she could do everything. I dreamt of fantastical scenarios of our little family living happily ever after...but hello! life isnt rainbows and butterflies! Matt had lived as a bachelor for 6 months, worrying only about himself and I had learned how to be a mother 24/7 to our beautiful new baby. I didnt understand why it took him at least 2 weeks to finally adjust to sleeping in our time zone. He retreated into the computer and didnt bounce up to help with the baby duties. I also didnt make it easy on him, I was too controlling with the routine and without realizing it, I made him feel like he wasnt doing anything right. =( Here's my biggest realization: He cannot read my mind!

Matt came home from deployment, went on another shorter deployment, went to fleet week, and numerous trainings in the field. In 2010 we spent all of 4 months together as a family. tough stuff indeed. His stress level was high and I wasnt feeling happy at all. Without going into too many gory details, I packed up and left. All my stuff went into storage and I headed home to Napa. Probably the most depressing point in my life and Matt will say the same. Countless counseling sessions, tearful conversations with family and friends, and many miles driven led me back to 29 Palms. It felt right to*try* one more time. Because if we didn't try now, then when? Coming back home to be a family together was the BEST THING I HAVE EVER DONE. Matt has made the effort to be a better husband,partner and father. We have learned to communicate better and spend more time together. I trust him wholeheartedly again and we have realistic expectations of each other. I allow him "me-time" to relax after work. He understands I need a break from mommyhood too. We recently attended a workshop called "The 5 Love Languages" put on by the base(MCFTB)which was great to experience together... and totally helped us understand what our spouse needs to keep their "love-tank" full. (turns out my love language is gifts and matt's- acts of service) www.5lovelanguages.com

So after this 3 year glitch, I still feel like everything happens for a reason. I am grateful for everything that has happened to me. We had to go through an incredibly rough time. I lost 2 best friends, but gained a whole gaggle of new ones! Our marriage is so much more healthy and strong. I feel ready for this deployment coming up. It sucks to be separated, but I know I am independent. Days will go slow, and some will just be plain BAD. but I am looking forward to the trips, projects, events and friends that will take up my time. I am most looking forward to volunteering at the Navy-Marine Corps Relief Society. I have never volunteered ever in my life (i dont know why!) but this position is right up my alley. I really enjoy helping others, learning new things, meeting new people, but also an added bonus of FREE CHILDCARE! :P I love my Gavins, but he is old enough to spend some time with other kids while mom gets a break.

Thank you for reading my thoughts about our marriage today. The biggest thing that I really wanted to know was that I was not alone in having problems. Life is tough. Military life is tougher. And you never know what happens behind others' closed doors. There is help out there and way more resources available than I thought. Get out there, dont close yourself off. and most importantly, think positively! Happy Friday!