still feeling low

Looking at my hair, I realize now that the box color I put on a few days ago sure didnt cover all the way! Ive got splotchy hair that I dont have time to style properly. So I look terrible and feel terrible too. Any support for my husband is going unnoticed and unappreciated right now but I cant complain because then it would put him in an even worse mood. He divulged what is going on over there and I feel bad for him. I told him I wish I could fix it, and how I want to be the person that can put a smile on his face despite all of that. I tried to talk about good things, like how his care package went in the mail today. It doesnt seem to be helping at all. So, Im biting my tongue because I want to be angry at him. I want to have communication and love from him but he cant right now when he is pre-occupied with his issues. so I need to just wait. Its selfish of me to want that attention. but it also doesnt feel very good when my issues dont ever matter, but when he is having issues I have to walk on eggshells and try to help and smile and nod when all I want to do is cry, be angry and sleep it off.  Im kind of done being strong and cheery and positive. deployment frickin sucks. I cant wait for my counseling appointment next week... I need to de-code my crazy dreams and talk about my feelings. p.s. I dreamt I was a new Marine during my nap today. I was wearing starchy cammies and couldnt get them just right and Matt kept coming by to check on me and help me look o.k. I remember feeling nervous because I didnt want to get in trouble for my uniform or doing something wrong. ugh. deployment dreams suck.